“It’s a monster that clutches on with no thoughts of letting go.”

Depression.

Even the thought that I COULD possibly have it makes my stomach drop. How could this be me? How could I, who seems to have it all going for me, struggle with something so life-taking like depression?

I have a Savior who I know loves me, so how could I even possibly have the slightest possibility of depression.

I’m stuck. and I’ve been stuck for a really long time. I know all the things that I want in my relationship with God, but I don’t know how to reach them or put them into action. I know that I need to pray, but I just can’t make myself pray for more than a couple of minutes. I am lost in the depths of this, and I’ve never felt so alone. Yet I know there are so many people around me that care for me so much, and I just feel like I can’t tell them I have something that I should not be struggling with.

I love the Lord. I love people. But why am i so lost in the hopelessness of never getting out of this rut?

I’m so scared, because I don’t know what it means to be depressed and I don’t know how to deal with it. I don’t know why I am depressed. What does this mean for me? Will I have to go on medication?

I don’t want this to be a part of me. And I don’t even know why I’m so sad. I could say it’s because of my friends and how our friendship is kind of on the rocks, but other than that I can’t even tell you why I’m so afraid. Or why I’m so sad. Or why I’m so alone. Or why I feel so left behind.

Life is happening and I feel like I’m stuck here, not knowing where to go or where to turn.

How can I feel like this when I know that I have a God on my side.

Is this something I can be freed from?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s